This time a few years back, I lived in LA for a couple of months.
I had ticked off a few things on the cliche’ ‘Australian Dream’ list. Purchased my first home at age 23, was with my long term boyfriend (which would end up lasting 10 years (the demise of that for another blog entry)), I was working as a radio announcer, had been the presenter for channel 9 Gold Coast news, voice over artist, actress, I owned an online pet store and business.
I landed an award for best new promising actress at The American International Film Festival and with nearly 15 film and television credits, a University degree, dabbled in a BA of Journalism and psychology, one might say I was pretty happy. Content. Stable. I worked bloody hard for my achievements and I loved the phase I was in.
I am writing this, not to brag about what I have done. I am proud but I am incredibly self critical. Name an artist who isn’t?! There is a reason I am setting up this notoriety.
I seek challenges and can’t sit still unless I am reflecting. If I fail, well….I won’t have failed because I gave it a shot and I’m presented with the opportunity to take responsibility for how I react. If I succeed, then yay for me! Please do not get this perspective as ‘inconsistent’…..it is not at all what I am referring to. Consistency is the key with anything. Healthy routine is just that….healthy!
Anyway, I digress. I applied and was accepted to be mentored by renowned acting coach, Ivana Chubbuck in her masterclass. She has been responsible for the careers of A grade actors such as Brad Pitt, Charlise Theron, Eva Mendes and Jessica Biel, just to name a few. I wanted to make the most of it so I also applied to be mentored by Aaron Speiser (Jennifer Lopez, Will Smith, Dwayne Johnson etc’s coach). Then one day I just did it. I booked the flights and jetted off to LA.
I subleased a temporary nest smack bang in Hollywood. (side note: NEVER live in Hollywood!!!)
My nights were set to be filled with mentoring and performing and days with script read throughs and learning lines.
Sounds amazing right?! Nahhhhh it was bloody awful (or so I thought at the time). Alone, a tourist, being confronted with tough love, a no fcks given coach (Ivana), scripts to study, emotional & psychological wounds being opened, receiving judgement, juggling auditions for a couple of films, missing home & my dogs (oh yeh & the boyfie at the time), dodging junkies just to get to my front door, neighbours constantly fighting & keeping me awake, pain, exhaustion, learning (quickly) to drive left hand & side of the road, ripping the front bumper off the car and trying to problem solve how to repair it without going broke or being ripped off….almost at breaking point, completely out of my comfort zone & wanting to quit. But my ‘never give up’ attitude & my values used these as fuel. How I react to my self doubt is a big indication of how I see myself. I mean, that’s why I was there right? Not to be recognised and swooped up by some fairy Godfather-Producer/Director scouting me on Rodeo Drive as I cutely hung around for that miracle moment!!! I was there to learn! To absorb from legends in the industry and learn I did alright!! I thought, ‘no fckn way was adversity going to win this battle.’ So, I smashed my final performance with Ivana (who weeks prior had provoked an anxiety attack and brought me to tears), I became more smart with my surroundings & I fostered a rescue puppy to ease the loneliness!!
I found time to exercise and clear my mind so I walked the Runyon Canyon & ventured to Santa Monica & Malibu on any Saturdays I had off & once, I came across the filming of Californication (a TV series which I auditioned for when I was returned to Oz).
The moral of this entry…..adopt, don’t shop! Haha, yes that too but it’s…. life is not always unicorns, constant positivity or what you have told yourself to believe Tammy Hepbrow’s every day life to be as it is on social media (although she is pretty outstanding and irritatingly beautiful). It’s to enjoy the journey no matter how uncomfortable you feel. See each shitty scenario as a means to make it less shitty. Chase the growth rather than wanting to skip the steps to chase the perceived end goal only. To step out of your comfort zone. Wayyyy out of your comfort zone. When you triumph over adversity is when you grow, increase happiness and direction and you can re evaluate and correct values to evolve in to a stronger, more self loving and appreciative human. No one can do that for you except you! And…..NEVER give up!! Consistently prove your fears and insecurities wrong!!! The fear of failure is what stops most from doing or ‘going for’ things. Life can change in a flash.